The main tenant of that article is that geeks/gamers will :
“insist that they treat women exactly the same as they treat guys – all the while ignoring the fact that their behavior is what’s making the women uncomfortable and feeling unwelcome in the first place.”
I believe that this isn’t a black and white issue. I would counter that everyone is responsible for their behavior and the tenants for sexism and prejudice don’t arise because of geek culture, those attributes arise elsewhere and are magnified by the insular nature of a predominately introverted fandom.
I’m an adult and have made no illusion that my past has
prejudiced my outlook on life, but I also do my best to treat everyone as an
equal and listen to other opinions before I talk. When I read an article like the one mentioned
above, I see another kind of prejudice, that of the overly sympathetic male:
What? How can you say
that? That article seemed very
sympathetic to woman’s issues. Yeah, I
thought so too, until I read the last sentence.
“And when you check back on Friday, I’ll provide you with
some concrete applications on how being cognizant of male privilege will
improve your relations with women.”
Am I wrong, or is this entire article a blueprint on a
subterfuge? If you’re worried about
improving your relations with women (i.e., how do I better get laid), then you’re
doing it wrong. What you should be
worried about is how your interpersonal skills allow you to function in an ever
changing world. That last sentence turned
that whole article on its ear for me.
This was nothing more than a blueprint for how the jerk gamer/geek can
satisfy his lady friend and continue to be a self-righteous douchebag.
The truth is that there are plenty of inroads that women
have made in geek/gamer culture. During the middle ages, zealots desecrated art by chopping off exposed genitalia or covering it up with a fig leaf. At the
turn of the century, I was playing Everquest and one of my guildmates was a
woman who played a male avatar in order to avoid the sexist bullshit. Fast forward to today, where I play Guild
Wars with my wife and 2-3 other strong women who comprise our core group. Now, that’s not to say that women have it
easy. Sexism still exists everywhere…
The article on male privilege seems to relate the
objectification of females in comics and games as proof that women are treated
as second class, but it also either ignores or brushes aside cases of male
objectification in the same art form:
Yes, fantasy and science fiction literature has a long
history of placing women in unrealistic manners of dress, but I would contend
that all art places women and men alike in unrealistic manners of dress. If you are looking for a realistic woman
warrior in a fantasy series, look to Game of Thrones:
This scene says a lot about the whole topic. However, this topic isn’t black and
white. In fantasy and science fiction you
can have both Brienne of Tarth and Catwoman. The medium is there to explore social issues. Star Trek wasn't a great science fiction story because of the short skirts and special effects. It was a study of the human condition set through a science fiction lens that helps one see that condition through a unique perspective.
The core issue here revolves around women in geek and gamer
culture. While it’s true that women are
an oddity, an unicorn if you will.
However, women also have a role in this society just as they do in every
other aspect of the world around us.
Team Unicorn, a group of beautiful actresses who also love video games,
comics, and Star Wars exists as a message to other women out there. You don’t have to wear sack cloth and hide
behind an asexual persona in order to thrive in a world of fandom:
Yes, fantasy and science fiction can objectify men, women,
and just about anything in an effort to create an art form that many hold near
and dear to their hearts. As citizens of
this planet, we need to move to a place where we cherish everyone’s opinion. We need to find that scrap of something to
adore and not be afraid of showing people that child-like glee. Don’t worry how to be politically correct in
order to ‘improve your relations with women’.
That won’t work. Strive to be
open minded, or as Will Wheaton would say; ‘Be awesome’.
This is a problem for me because when I read the phrase "how being cognizant of male privilege will improve your relations with women." I don't immediately hear in my head, "how do I better get laid". And I can't help but wonder why you do. We, as a society, need to try to clarify first, then counter. In this fast-pased, 140-character, instant gratification society we live in, we no longer take the time to engage in a discussion before we decide to fire off our own counter "argument" creating a issue where one doesn't necessarily exist. Does it make for more compelling reading. Sure. But is it responsible? No.
ReplyDeleteI have a relationship with my wife. I have a relationship with my friends, many of whom are women. I have a relationship with my mother. These are all women that I have relations with, that I feel like I could stand to "improve my relations with". With the exception of perhaps my wife, I don't plan on getting laid by any of them.
That said, I recognize that the article is from a "Dr. Nerdlove" so it could easily be argued that the article doesn't really apply to female relations with your mother. However, learning how to RELATE with women, how to respect them, how to treat them as equals isn't a cheat-code to getting them to have sex with you. It's learning how to build a RELATIONship with them that's putting them where they should be. On equal footing with you and developing a mutual respect for each other.
Now, don't get me wrong, if "Dr. Nerdlove's" follow-up article on Friday spend's its content talking about how to use a faux feministic viewpoint to get them to like you than I'm happy to eat my words and jump on the bandwagon. But until that happens, I think judgement should be reserved. Innocent before proven guilty and all that rot.
Okay, yeah, my snarky nature is to get a little flippant in my response to an issue. Having said that, the core point is this: If you are worried about how to improve your relations with women, you are doing it wrong. PERIOD
DeleteThe point here is that, you shouldn't strive to JUST improve your relations with women (I'm assuming a male/female relationship here), it SHOULD be about improving your outlook to people and respecting anyone's perspective.
It's fun to be a geek. It's fun to have love in your heart for an art form made of imagination. You shouldn't have to worry if you are a beautiful woman or a less than beautiful woman or a gay man or a gay woman or anyone other than the person you are. The article points a finger at how some men treat women, but fails to appreciate the broader canvas.
Quix first it is written by a someone that calls them self "Dr. Nerdlove" that is the first clue. The last line of the follow up (this article is from late 2011)
Delete"But once you’ve learned to be aware of how your behavior appears to others, you’ll be better equipped to avoid giving the creepy vibe to the women you meet and enjoy meeting and dating beautiful women."
So, obviously you're both right in your arguments here. Yes, we shouldn't just be trying to improve our relations with women because we're unlucky in love, we should be trying to do it because we need to be better people. And yes, "Dr. Nerdlove" does appear to be trying to coach nerds be less of an asshole when trying to approach the opposite sex. (I missed thatthis was in 2011. I saw the July 31st and just assumed it was for today)
ReplyDeleteBut while I totally agree with both of those things, I have to say I for one appreciate what this guy is doing (sorry I just can't keep typing "Dr. Nerdlove"). Ultimately, most humans aren't evolved enough to simply try to be better people for the sake of being better people. Perhaps I'm a pessimist for believing this, but there it is. However, if you tell them, "No seriously, you're not a nice person AND YOU'LL NEVER FIND LOVE if you don't fix it" that could make me sit up and listen. And then, eventually, they'll evolve as people despite themselves. Just because you improve yourself because you want to meet a nice girl, doesn't mean you're not improving yourself and honestly, I don't think it means you're an awful person because you're not doing it out of completely non-selfish reasons. Self-improvement is self-improvement regardless of the motivation. As long as it's not just paying lip service, and from what I read that doesn't appear to be the case.
While all of this is true, the other key point is the assertion that objectification within the art form of comics and video games plays a significant role in influencing the creepy/massagonistic male gamer/geek. I don't see a causal loop in that claim. I believe that you learn that behavior and the gamer/geek universe provides buffer from the real world, covering those learned anti-social behaviors that might have been treated effectively in a more social environment. However, that's not causation, but rather isolation.
Delete